I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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