help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
