I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sober January is a disaster.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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