I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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