party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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