Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
