Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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