I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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