He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
