It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
