We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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