Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
