community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
