so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
