Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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