somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
