I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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