I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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