I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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