Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
