I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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