Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
