I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
