My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
