dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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