i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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