I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
