I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.