You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.