i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize