Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
