i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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