I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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