I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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