i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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