he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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