I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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