I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
