I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
