I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
