that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
