She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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