Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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