Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize