Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
