areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
