Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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