And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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