What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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