the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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