mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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