I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
