Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
