I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
