i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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