So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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