I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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