so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
