Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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